A news about MBL Norwegian adoptive family
Ragnhild Bratlien, author:
-- The right to write and the right to be accepted
We had made an appointment for the first talk. Actually I had finished doing all the interviews, but I was especially recommended to add this young woman as well. She accepted immedialtey at my request, she only wanted to check with her boss if it was in accordance with her impartiality assessment.
A few minutes before the talk was about to start, she texted me. She would prefer a chat by phone. Not an interview. No recording. Just a talk about the project as such. – What kind of right do you have to write this book, she asked and added in a clear and crass tone that it should and could only be written by the adoptees themselves.
I thanked her for putting forward this question. This gave me the opportunity to bring forward to her and to you as my reader why I am writing this book. And how grateful I am if it eventually might inspire others to write their stories about being adopted.
Both she and I make our livings from creative publishing. My history of writing dates back to the school newspaper. Then we talk about times back in past millenium, as I use to describe it for my daughters. That was before the era of mobile phones, even before computer time, when we were writing our stories on electric typewriters.
Even today I feel safe in my standpoint about the right to write this book. As an author I regard my self of no interest for the reader. My opinions are not shown in the text. The text is composed of the words from the youths. Along the process some youths have not responded to my request, some have told their stories without wanting to participate in the book, some have responded positively after two seconds, some have needed many months to decide wheter or not. The contributions have come along in as many ways as the stories differ. Some have decided to be anonymous. They have all got their text to read, add, delete and approve. Together we are humbly grateful for this project, that resulted in a book. The youths chose to take part in the project, I chose to write and publish the book.
Freedom of speech belongs to all citizens of Norway as well as in the rest of the world. For authors and reporters, for citizens who want to put forward their ponits of view in newspapers, books and periodicals. Freedom of speech belongs to the adoptees themselves and those around them. Families, friends and professionals in general.
The idea of this project came at a board meeting in the Norwegian Association of families who have adopted children from China. For manu years we had arranged gatherings. Less and less families were able to adopt children, due to changing adoption policy in China. Therefore the children belonging to our organization were at that time mainly teenagers. They were in need of a broader aspect of cultural stimulance from their birth country than only New Year festivals.
-- What about inviting the Chinese born author Xinran to Norway, I suggested. Her book «Lost daughters» was recently published in Norwegian. A genuin possibility for our daughters and sons to hear from a Chinese born author how she had interviewed mothers giving away their children.
The other board members watched me with disbelief. Xinran, author wellknown worldwide coming to our gathering? Forget it. As well we have no budget to such big events. It all ended with me being allowed to forward a request to Xinran with financial reservations.
This was the start of a longlasting close and good cooperation with Xinran. Through her Norwegian publisher Gyldendal I got her e.mail address and sked for a meeting in London. We were all chocked when she answered after a few days, accepting the request. I created a private longweekend to London with my youngest daughter, adopted from China. Xinran held the meeting at her home office. At the entrance we greeted her husband, the publisher Toby Eady, leaving their home for another meeting. The fee for our coming arrangement in Norway was set to an undefined contribution to the volunteer organization Xinran had created, «Mothers’ Bridge of Love».
« One mother gave You life, the other taught You to live it»
This shows the essence in Xinran’s philosophy and how she has inspired me and so many others to use our freedom of speech in the name of cooperation. In 2004 she aimed at reaching Chinese born children all over the world to bridge the Chinese and the Western culture. We as well talk about us, not either the adoptees or the ethnic Norwegians.
When we were about to arrange our first meeting with Xinran, we were forced to change the meeting surroundings several times. Out of experience we expected 5-10 participants. This time we ended up with 200. Xinran put forward one extra condition for accepting. After the main programme she wanted one hour alone with the youths. – Then they will discuss more freely, and maybe they share thoughts with You afterwards.
After the meeting a young boy, 17 yeras old, came up to mee and thanked us for the arrangement. – This means more to met han You ever will understand, he said.
As well the next year we arranged a seminar with Xinran. Then we spent a whole weekend at a mountain lodge, where the families were asked to bring the documents thay had got in China, both the Chinese and the English tranlated ones. Xinran and her two assistants spent long hours comparing the papers. Thenafter they were able to give us a broader context of the childrens’ background than we had been able to understand.
My next thought was reflecting on how this cound be brought further. Even though I now have worked more than 25 years as acupuncturist, I still know my previous skills as reporter. Maybe I could write a kind of follow-up to Xinrans’ book «Lost daughters»? Interviewing daughters and sons here i Norway, let them tell their stories, almost like «sending a letter home». Hurting to tell the story without being able to reach those who prevented them from staying back in their original homes. But at the same time, a story to tell, inner thoughts to come forward and being processed. Put words to a existence that was not spoken about publicly in Norway. The adoptees are not immigrants, they are not ethnic Norwegians, they are bicultural, but do not know their origin in their birth culture.
Before I was able to elaborate this idea, I had to ask permission from one person. Not legal permission. Not legal right. But ethical permission. From Xinran. I asked about her honest opinion . If she thought I made my way too close to her book «Lost daughters», I would cancel the idea immediately and respect that decission.
Again I got a very quick respons. She sent a long e-mail, giving her complete blessing to the project. She even accepted to write a preword. This declaration of confidence has been my pillar all time further.
On the way I was also encouraged to bring forward the voices of psycologists and employees with broad experience from the adotion organizations. Again I was surprised. Positively surprised. The three psycologists responding to my general invitation were all adopted tjemselves. Through their stories they give both professional advices and personal experiences. The same happended with the employees from the adoption organizations. They are well experienced professionally – and at the same time as well fathers to adopted children. This enlarged my perspectives as author even more.
The youths and I hterefore wish you, dear reader, welcome to this book with storeis about being born in China and raised in Norway.
They might not know their origin in the other culture, but they are the angel and bridge between cultures and love, for sure!
Since my first book ‘The Good Women of China’ was worldwide published from 2002, I have met and made so many friends include a few thousands adoptive families on my book tours around the world, the most of them have adopted children from China, mainly girls. But I didn’t know it when I was in China before 1997, even though during the time when I ran a national radio show like BBC Women Hour. The topic of adoption seems like a traditional taboo in today’s modern China, many Chinese motionless don’t know that China international adoption started from 1991, the over 160,000 adoptees from China who are living in over 20 countries, mainly girls.
For the sharing the same passion of creating a bridge of understanding and supporting between China and the West for young Chinese in all corners of the world, includes the adopted children from China, I set up a UK registered charity called The Mothers’ Bridge of Love (MBL) in 2004. We have reached the adoptive families in 27 countries and built 28 village school libraries in undeveloped areas where the most Chinese adoptee come from in China.
I have come to Norway six times on my book and charity tours. I have met many Norwegian adoptive families among over 13,000 adoptees in Oslo, Bergen, and Lillehammer. Mrs Ragnhild Nerjord Bratlien, the author of this book, was one of the organisers to arrange my meetings with Norwegian adoptive families. Rapidly we became close friends. We have been sharing so much emotion, love and research resource on the same mission of helping Chinese adoptees to find the answers for their life questions, such as
Why my Chinese mother didn’t want me?
What’s happen to the Chinese mothers when they have to abandoned their daughters
How can I answer my schoolmates why I have the western parents?
How I identify who or even what I am in other people’s eyes in my adopted country?
I have written and published nine books, all are about my researches on what’s happened in China and three of them are about why there are so many girls have become orphans: The Message from Unknown Chinese Mother, Buy M the sky, The Promise. except The Promise, they all have been published in Norwegian language as well.
My books have been translated into more than 30 languages and, as a result, I have received photographs, tapes and videos from adopting families and adopted Chinese girls from all over the world. It was even more difficult to face the question asked by Chinese girls adopted into foreign cultures: ‘Xinran, do you know why my Chinese mother didn’t want me?’
In fact, I have the same question to my mother.
Many times, during the interviews or talks, people asked me: ‘Xinran, what is your dream?’
I always answered: ‘To be a daughter of my mother.’
There were always uproar from the audience: ‘But you were born, so you must be someone’s daughter!’
‘In a biological sense, yes,’ I responded. ‘But I was born into a traditional culture, I experienced brutal political upheavals as a child, and my mother and I lived in times which did not consider bonds of family affection important. The result is there’s not a single occasion I can remember when my mother said she loved me, or even hugged me.’
As often, after this kind of conversation, there was a line of grey-haired women standing waiting for me and want to give me a mother’s embrace. One by one, they came up to me, put their arms around me, and kissed my forehead….
Every time, I could not help myself, tears poured down my face. In my heart, I cried: ‘I’m grateful for their genuine affection, but how I wish my own mother could have held me like this. I miss my mother’s love so much!’ And that is the reason why I was afraid to go back to memories which cost me so many tears at the time and to re-visit the pain of women who had abandoned their daughters.
After twenty-five years living in London, and working with The Guardian, The BBC and some academic research bodies in the west, I realise that China is not the only country to cover this issue, it was and still is a worldwide hidden history and taboo in many cultures.
1954 United Nations had started paid attention to the adoption, according to UN Convention on the Rights of the Child text and Child Adoption: Trends and Policies - the United Nations. And States Parties recognize that every child has the inherent right to life, shall ensure to the maximum extent possible the survival and development of the child. The child shall be registered immediately after birth and shall have the right from birth to a name, the right to acquire a nationality and. as far as possible, the right to know and be cared for by his or her parents. States Parties shall ensure the implementation of these rights in accordance with their national law and their obligations under the relevant international instruments in this field, in particular where the child would otherwise be stateless, and undertake to respect the right of the child to preserve his or her identity, including nationality, name and family relations as recognized by law without unlawful interference. Where a child is illegally deprived of some or all of the elements of his or her identity, States Parties shall provide appropriate assistance and protection, with a view to re-establishing speedily his or her identity.
BUT, apart from those Staes Parties recognized ‘should do, must do’ texts, the adoptees and their adoptive families are facing a long way to reach out the clarifications for so many mysteries, such as
Which one should they tick on those official IDs, should be biology race or passport nationality?
How to explain to their young friends why and how they live i with the parents of different races in the adopted country?
Why China has no original records of their birth certificate or why they can’t find their birth family?
Do they still have siblings in China or she or he also was adopted? If so where is the siblings?
Do China and Chinese mean something special in their life journey?
Why they are hated and living in the life risk, like the 17 years old Chinese adopted Norwegian girl Johanne who was murdered by her elder stepbrother on August 10th 2019 – because she was Chinese?
…
It has been taken so long for the word to open the conversation on the adoption and discover those hidden files of adoption history. British television series Long Lost Family that has aired on ITV since 21 April 2011. It aims to reunite close relatives after years of separation, it has spreader into many countries by now. It reveals the background to each case, the social context of each case, and reasons why these estrangements occurred, from the single teenage mums who felt unable to keep their babies to the fathers who left and the twin sisters who were separated at birth. Among the reported cases, more than half of them are about abandoned and adoption.
I am every impressed and touched by Mrs Ragnhild Nerjord Bratlien’s researches for writing this book. It has engrossed me into a deep ponder by her interviews and those collected opinions from Norwegian Chinese adoptees, their families and the, communities they are living with. I really believe this book would become one important chapter of the world adoption history!
Dear Johanne, your life and death won’t be wasted, it will recall the world that the adopted are not immigrants, you are bicultural, you all might not know your origin in the other culture, you all are the angel and bridge between cultures and love for sure!
Xie Xie Nin, Thank YOU!
Xinran XUE
Founder of The Mothers’ Bridge of Love (MBL)
Columnist of The Guardian
Adviser of the BBC World Service
Author of eight published books including The Good Women of China, The Message from An Unknown Chinese Mother, Buy Me the Sky…and The Promise.
* (Geneva Declaration of the Rights of the Child of 1924 and in the Declaration of the Rights of the Child adopted by the General Assembly on 20 November 1959 and recognized in the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, in the International Covenant on Civil and Political Rights (in particular in articles 23 and 24), in the International Covenant on Economic, Social and Cultural Rights (in particular in article 10) and in the statutes and relevant instruments of specialized agencies and international organizations concerned with the welfare of children)